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  • Dear Abby, Dear Abby...
  • My feet are too long
  • My hair's falling out and my rights are all wrong
  • My friends they all tell me that I've no friends at all
  • Won't you write me a letter, Won't you give me a call
  • Signed Bewildered
  • Bewildered, Bewildered...
  • [Chorus:]
  • You have no complaint
  • You are what your are and you ain't what you ain't
  • So listen up Buster, and listen up good
  • Stop wishing for bad luck and knocking on wood
  • Dear Abby, Dear Abby...
  • My fountain pen leaks
  • My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks
  • Every side I get up on is the wrong side of bed
  • If it weren't so expensive I'd wish I were dead
  • Signed Unhappy
  • Unhappy, Unhappy...
  • [Chorus]
  • Dear Abby, Dear Abby...
  • You won't believe this
  • But my stomach makes noises whenever I kiss
  • My girlfriend tells me It's all in my head
  • But my stomach tells me to write you instead
  • Signed Noise-maker
  • Noise-maker, Noise-maker
  • [Chorus]
  • Dear Abby, Dear Abby...
  • Well I never thought
  • That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught
  • We were sitting in the back seat just shooting the breeze
  • With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees
  • Signed Just Married
  • Just Married, Just Married...
  • [Chorus]
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